Veterans' secrets to a happy marriage

In celebration of Valentine's Day, blind veterans and their partners reveal their secrets to a long-lasting and happy relationship. During their recent visits to our centres of wellbeing, we spoke to five couples, who combined share 274 years of marriage. They share their stories, advice and how their relationships have adapted with sight loss.

Blind veteran Jim and his wife Elsa have been married for 68 years and together for 71 years. Jim, 92, met Elsa at a dance after finishing his National Service. 

Jim describes meeting Elsa as "love at first sight". Elsa describes Jim as her "first love". Jim's advice is simple: "saying yes, dear" and "just love her, love her, love her. Jim added: “Common interests and enjoying the same things is important too – you’ll spend more time together."

Elsa shared: “Growing together, compromise, allowing each other some independence. Jim never stops telling me he loves me.”

Jim has had gradual sight loss, which they have navigated together and their partnership has simply adapted with this. Jim accounts this to their strong and long-standing desire to make their marriage a success. They are also great believers in the compatibility of birth signs. Jim is a Virgo and Elsa is a Scorpio. 

Blind veteran Patrick and Jacky have been married for 32 years, together for 39 years. Patrick met Jacky after Patrick was widowed in his early 50's with four children. When asked about their secrets to a happy marriage, Patrick shared:

"Two essential ingredients are mutual respect and trust. It is essential to allow each other to be yourself, and give each other space”.

They share six children and 14 grandchildren, which keeps them busy. They share an evening routine, always coming together to enjoy a drink - in Jacky's case, a glass of prosecco.

Eric and Margaret: Tolerance and understanding

Blind veteran Eric and his wife Margaret have been married for 68 years. They first met in 1952 while involved in a local amateur dramatic society. Margaret turned up one day to find that Eric was standing in for the stage electrician role. She says:

“The theatre was organising a dance and while we were there Eric asked me to dance with him. He then dropped me home at the end of the evening and from then we dated for two years before we were married. We were not interested in anyone else.

“We’ve been married for 68 years and in that time we’ve had lots of arguments, but not enough to separate us. You get set in your ways as you get older, but we have been together so long that we think the same way about a lot of things.”

Eric lost his sight due to macular degeneration and Margaret says that it had an impact on their relationship. She says:

“Eric could no longer read or watch TV so he needed to turn to something else to occupy his mind. He started cooking and now takes charge of all the cooking. I need to make sure he has all the ingredients but he is very happy cooking and is very good at it.

“For those young couples starting out on their marriage journey, I would say be tolerant and try to see the other person’s point of view. Also make up your quarrels. We don’t always do that as quickly as we should.”

Ian and Mabel: Weathering storms together

Blind veteran Ian and his wife Mabel have been married for 60 years. They met by chance during a particularly bad snowstorm in which Ian was unable to get home and Mabel’s mum took him in. Mabel says:

“When the snow started to improve, Ian was able to get home and my dad looked after the horses he was working with for him.

“Ian was working in the forest near to where we live so we met again and courted for eight years before we were married. I remember the day he asked me to marry him. Scotland were playing England in the football that day and we went out to choose my engagement ring.

“We are still strong after 60 years because I look after him and he looks after me. My advice would be to remember the vows you made when you got married.”

Peter and Jackie: Letters and laughter

Blind veteran Peter and his wife Jackie have been married for 46 years. They started off as pen pals while Peter was serving in Northern Ireland. Jackie says:

“One of my friends was engaged to one of the lads serving in Northern Ireland with Peter and he came to visit my friend and said they needed pen pals and I got Peter.

“After four months of writing to one another, Peter came to visit me while on leave from service and I took him all around London.

“We continued to write and Peter was posted to Germany. He came home with an engagement ring and I didn’t really get a say in it!

“We married in December 1977, I remember my high heels were sinking into the ground outside the church.”

When asked about the secret to their successful marriage, Jackie says: “Always laughing and never going to bed on an argument. Peter added: “Doing what I’m told.”

As well as supporting our blind veterans, we’re also here for their loved ones and carers, offering support and advice.